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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Grief

The Five (or Seven) Stages of Grief

   J | Your Tribute Founder
Many people refer to the five stages of grief. If you have lost someone or know someone who has, you will come across many articles about moving through these stages. What you do not often see is the seven stages of grief model.This model closely follows the five stages model, with two additional platforms: pain/guilt and the upward turn. In essence, these emotions or stages are included in the five stages model, but they are not listed separately.
Here, then, are the seven stages of grief explained.

1. Shock and Denial

When a person first learns of the death of a loved one, they often meet the news with a sense of disbelief. People describe feeling numb. This is a normal and innate reaction that helps to shield your brain from the pain of the loss. Rather than being overwhelmed by multiple emotions at once, you move through this stage as your mind prepares to deal with the loss.

2. Pain and Guilt

Within days, the shock of the news begins to wear off. As it does, it is replaced by heartbreaking pain. At times, your pain will seem unbearable. To move through the grieving process successfully, allow yourself to feel the pain. Trying to hide the pain or mask it with substances like drugs and alcohol only extends your grief.
During this stage, you may find yourself dealing with feelings of guilt. You may feel guilty because things were left unsaid. You may feel guilty because you are angry with your loved one for dying. This is often the scariest phase of the grieving process because the emotions are so raw.

3. Anger and Bargaining

During this stage of grief, your frustration is replaced by anger. It is not unusual for people in this stage of grief to lash out at friends and family members. People may even violently lash out at inanimate objects. You may even lay the blame for your loved one’s death on someone completely innocent.
While many of your close friends and loved ones will tolerate your outbursts, they will do so only for a short time. Do your best to control your anger. You do not want to lose established relationships because of your loss.
You will also find yourself bargaining during this stage of grief. You will never do X if your loved one is returned to you. You will do Y if you can just see your loved one once more. Even though a part of you knows that having your loved one returned to you is not possible, you will have these thoughts.

  

4. Depression

Depression, sadness and loneliness are the emotions that people most often associate with grief. The difficult part of this stage is that it comes just when people think you should be getting over the death. Your friends and family may try to talk you out of your feelings and despair that their words do not help you.
During the stage of grief, people often realize, for the first time, the enormity of their loss. You may find that you do not want to socialize, preferring to be left alone with your feelings. You may also find yourself dealing with severe feelings of despair and emptiness. Feeling as though nothing and no one can make you feel like yourself again is normal. Feeling as though you will never “feel better” is also normal during this stage of grief.

5. The Upward Turn

This is the second stage that the five-stages model leaves out. It is most often combined with the acceptance stage in that model. During this stage of grief, you will find that your life begins to slowly return to a sense of normalcy. You feel calm and get yourself organized. Any physical symptoms that you have been experiencing will lessen, and you will feel your depression begin to lift.

6. Reconstruction

Now that you have become more functional and organized, your mind begins to refocus on you again. You realize that this is a process that you have worked through, and you begin to focus on the steps that you need to take to rebuild your life and move on.
If you shared finances with the person who is deceased, you begin to put together a financial plan. If you shared a home, you begin to determine whether or not you can, or want to, live in the home alone. During reconstruction, you begin to put the pieces back together so that you can move on with your life.

7. Acceptance

It’s important to understand that all people do not enter the acceptance phase. It can be incredibly difficult to accept the death of a loved one and, unfortunately, some people simply cannot, no matter how hard they try. For others, reaching the acceptance stage is the final step in completing the grieving process.
During this stage, people accept and deal with reality. Do not confuse this stage with happiness. In truth, people in this stage have simply decided that although they cannot return to the person that they were before the death of their loved one, they can more forward and become a different person. People in the acceptance stage are able to make plans for the future.
When you have reached acceptance, you are able to remember your loved one fondly, even laughing at your funnier memories. You may still experience pangs of sadness, but the happy memories outweigh the pain that you feel. You know without a doubt that you will be able to find happiness and joy again.

If you keep anything about the seven stages of grief in mind, make it this: Everyone grieves, and everyone handles the process differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, providing that you are not harming yourself or others. Take your time as you navigate through the stages; when you grieve in a healthy way, you emerge from your sadness in a positive way.


Friday, February 03, 2017

Breaking Twig - yeah i am back to reading

Set in rural Georgia in the 1960s, BREAKING TWIG is a coming-of-age novel about Becky (Twig) Cooper, a young woman trying to survive the physical and emotional abuse of her mother, Helen, a beautiful, calculating woman who can, with a mere look, send the meanest cur in Sugardale, Georgia running for its life.

Not even Twig's vivid imagination, keen wit, and dark sense of humor is enough to help her survive the escalating assaults of Helen and a new stepbrother, but help comes from an unexpected source--Frank, her stepfather. Sometimes, having one person who loves and believes in you is all a girl needs to keep hope alive.

Often raw and irreverent and sprinkled with all the Southern flavoring found in a good bowl of chicken and dumplings, BREAKING TWIG, is about finding love where we least expect it, destroying lives with easy lies, and realizing each of us determine our own truth.


Friday, January 27, 2017

Shame on him Fool me once book 3

For Lorelei Warner, being perfect isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. She did what her straitlaced parents wanted: became a lawyer, married her college boyfriend. But since her husband ran off with another man and her career became a nonstop bore-fest, Lorelei has turned to her best friends and Fool Me Once Investigations to find fulfillment and adventure.
When a routine subpoena-delivery turns up a dead body, Lorelei knows that solving the murder is exactly what she needs to boost her confidence…until private investigator Dallas Osborne walks in and takes over the case. Dallas has always rubbed Lorelei the wrong way. It’s aggravating enough that he’s a pompous ass, but he’s also entirely too good-looking.
If she wants to catch the killer, Lorelei will need to loosen up and defy her parents—not to mention the law. And she’ll need to partner with Dallas, working closer (much closer) to the sexy investigator than she ever expected.
Join the feisty Fool Me Once ladies for another fun-loving romp from bestselling author Tara Sivec.


Friday, January 20, 2017

Shame on me Fool me once Book 2

Ex-model Paige McCarty is fed up with being just a pretty face. After her ex-husband’s gambling problem left her royally screwed and tragically shoeless, she started Fool Me Once Investigations with her best friends, Lorlei and Kennedy, to prevent other women from being similarly played and dismayed.
The job: act as bait for a cheating husband. The target: Matt Russo. The case should be as easy as getting a man’s attention—and Paige has never had trouble with that. The problem is Matt—in all his nerdy-hot glory—turns out to be not such a scumbag after all.
And when the case hits closer to home than Paige could ever have imagined—landing her in a face-off with the mob—she wonders if taking the job just to prove that she has a brain maybe wasn’t her best idea.
This second outing for the Fool Me Once team follows in the same fun, feisty footsteps as bestselling author Tara Sivec’s Shame on You.


***a view graphic reads about their sexual encounter but a great book

Friday, January 13, 2017

Shame on you -- Fool me once series of 3 books



War veteran Kennedy O’Brien is in the business of sticking it to the man—or at least any man who tries to cross a woman. After she returned home from Afghanistan and caught her husband in bed with the nanny, Kennedy lost her faith in men and started Fool Me Once Investigations with her two best friends. After all, there’s no better bounty hunter than a woman scorned.
When Kennedy takes a case to slap cuffs on a bail jumper turned dog-napper, she figures it’ll be an easy paycheck. But trouble has a way of finding Kennedy. Enter the last man on the planet she’d willingly choose as a partner: her cheating ex-husband’s best friend, Griffin Crawford.
As gorgeous as he is unwelcome, Griffin has always had a thing for Kennedy, and after keeping quiet about her ex’s cheating, he’ll do anything to earn back her trust. Whether or not she wants to admit it, Kennedy will need help as the case of the Chihuahua thief spirals out of control. Griffin may be just her man—in more ways than one.

*** I read this book in about 3 days the only thing is there were some graphic sexual reads that made me blush and skip that page :)

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

2017 Book Challenge

I love to plan -- plan -- plan
I bought a 2017 planner and joined the craze of planning (but I have been doing this for years so not a big change to my schedule) what I didn't expect when I joined the planner world on line was to discover so many challenges for reading.
I found a really cool one that you chose the books you want to read based on the list below (http://www.hannahbraime.com/2017-reading-challenge/)

The 26-book 2017 reading challenge

  1. A book you read in school
  2. A book from your childhood
  3. A book published over 100 years ago
  4. A book published in the last year
  5. A non-fiction book
  6. A book written by a male author
  7. A book written by a female author
  8. A book by someone who isn’t a writer (think Paul Kalathani or Richard Branson)
  9. A book that became/is becoming a film
  10. A book published in the 20th Century
  11. A book set in your hometown/region
  12. A book with someone’s name in the title
  13. A book with a number in the title
  14. A book with a character with your first name
  15. A book someone else recommended to you
  16. A book with over 500 pages
  17. A book you can finish in a day
  18. A previously banned book
  19. A book with a one-word title
  20. A book translated from another language
  21. A book that will improve a specific area of your life
  22. A memoir or journal
  23. A book written by someone younger than you
  24. A book set somewhere you’ll be visiting this year
  25. An award-winning book
  26. A self-published book
I found a super cool challenge to read a book from all 50 States
(http://greecelibraryteen.blogspot.com/2012/11/from-blog-epic-reads-united-states-of-ya.html)
Alabama  The Splendor Falls  Rosemary Clement Moore
Alaska Julie of the Wolves  Jean Craighead George
Arizona  Everybody sees the ants A.S. King 
Arkansas where things come back  John Whaley 
California  Bloodlines Richelle Mead 
Colorado  A beautiful day  Jocelyn Davies
Connecticut  My life next door  Huntley Fitzpatrick 
Delaware the unbreakable book for unsinkable girls  Julie Schumacher 
Florida  The unbecoming of Mara Dyer  Michelle Hadkin
Georgia Hex Hall  Rachel Hawkins 
Hawaii Under the blood red sun  graham salisbury
Idaho Deadline  Chris Cruthcher
Illinois  Divergent Veronica Roth 
Indiana The fault in our Stars John Green
Iowa  Ashfall  Mike Mullin
Kansas The Wizard of Oz L Frank Baum 
Kentucky  Queen of Kentucky  Alicia Whitaker
Lousiana A Rise Tara Hudson 
Maine Delirium  Lauren Oliver 
Maryland Blood and Chocolate Annette Curtis Klause
Massachusetts Starcrossed Josephine Angelini
Michigan  Wake  Lisa Mc Mann
Minnesota Shiver Maggie Stiefvater
Mississippio  beneath a meth moon  jacqueline Woodson 
Missouri  Blood Magic  Tessa Grafton
Montana The miseducation of Cameron Post  Emily Danforth 
Nebraska  Revivied Cat Patrick 
Nevada  Crank  Ellen Hopkins 
New Hampshire Love & Leftovers Sarah Tregay
New Jersey  White Cat  Holly Black 
New Mexico  Fated Alyson Noel 
New York  The Diviners Libba Bray
North Carolina  The truth about forever  sarah dessen 
North Dakota The beet fields gary Paulsen
Ohio  Three are dead and I am number four  Pittacos lore 
Oklahoma  Knights of the Hill Country  Tim Tharp
Oregon  If i stay  Gayle Forman 
Pennsylvania Pretty little Liars Sara Shepard
Rhode Island Devilish  Maureen Johnson 
South Carolina  Beautiful Creatures Kami Garcia  & Margaret Stohl
South Dakota Go Big or Go Home  Will Hobbs
Tennessee  Hourglass Myra McEntire
Texas Shattered Souls Mary Lindsey 
Utah  Everneath  Brodi Ashton 
Vermont  JIP His Story Katherine Paterson 
Virgina  The Raven Boys  Maggie Stiefvater
Washington  The absolutely true diary of a part time indian sherman alexie 
West Virgina  obsidian  jennifer armentrout
Wisconsin  Dairy Queen  Catherine Gilbert Murdock 
Wyoming  Unearthly  Cynthia Hand 


So if you need me I am probably hiding somewhere reading a book :)

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Christmas cookies and Holiday Hearts .. time for some Christmas Cheer




Makes 14-16 wreaths 

Ingredients:
1/3 cup butter
4 cups miniature marshmallows
1 tsp green food coloring
6 cups corn flakes
Handful of red cinnamon candies


Measure corn flakes into a large bowl.

Melt butter in a large saucepan over low heat. Once melted, add the marshmallows and stir continuously until completely melted.  Stir in food coloring.

Pour melted marshmallows into the large bowl with the corn flakes. Stir until well coated.

Lay out a piece of parchment paper on your kitchen counter. Dollop spoonfuls of the cornflake mixture onto the parchment paper. Grease your (clean) hands with butter or cooking spray.  Use your fingers to shape each spoonful into an individual wreath. Top each wreath with cinnamon candies.